Christmas time is at hand, and I’m proud to say that my shopping is complete. Of course, I only buy for my wife; I don’t think Amy trusts me to buy for others. My extravagance would cost us too much through the rest of the year. I don’t need to be the one who needs to buy presents for others because I already have plenty of difficulties shopping for just one person.
Years ago, I had to learn about buying presents for a woman. Sure, in elementary school I bought six-foot stuffed snakes, and in high school a bottle of cologne and an inexpensive locket on a chain worked fine. The rules change after marriage. We’d been married five days when that first Christmas arrived. I bought what I thought were wonderful gifts. The one of which I was proudest was a set of hot curlers for Amy to use in her beautiful hair. She opened the box, and the fallen look on her face said it all: I messed up badly! My first lesson about buying presents for wives was that they aren’t to be practical ones. Things such as vacuum cleaners, appliances, or pots and pans lead a man straight to doghouse for the next twelve months.
On other Christmases I’ve given furniture to Amy. Usually, those items have been things that I have worked on for a long time. One year I bought an old cedar chest. I brought it home, stripped, sanded, and refinished it. Another time I bought a new rocking chair and stained it. Amy used that rocker to feed her babies and rock them to sleep. Both items mean a great deal to her; they’re heirlooms that she will pass along to the kids in years to come.
I next learned the secret to a good Christmas present. When our daughter was about one and a half, a picture of her was taken, and it was beautiful. I found an artist who completed a huge colored chalk sketch of that picture. Amy tore the paper from that present, and the moment she saw it, her eyes welled up with tears. I knew that the present was a good one. I haven’t struck that nerve many times over the years, but nothing feels better than when it does happen. Men, always try to get something that has the ability to pull your wives’ emotional string. You’re an instant hero if that happens.
I love to Christmas shop for Amy. I’m not so sure that women shoppers are so delighted to see me though. For several years I bought clothes as presents. I didn’t take the first thing I came to. Instead, I’d walk among the racks of clothes and occasionally stop to pick up an item. I envisioned Amy in that piece of clothing. Sometimes hours were spent looking for just the right blouses, slacks, skirts, and suits. On Christmas morning Amy opened each box and oohed and aahed enough to make me glow with pride. However, I am not as stupid as some might think. In my jewelry box at home were the receipts for each item. Amy made sounds over the fact that I had spent that much time to find the presents. Many of them were returned the next day, either because they didn’t fit properly or they didn’t suit her taste. I still got brownie points for the effort that I’d given.
This year I visited a jewelry store in search of the perfect pendant and chain. I found it after scouring the cases. A diamond circle pendant on an eighteen-inch chain was what I bought and returned home. Something bugged me though, and I looked in Amy jewelry cabinet when I got home. There it was, the same item I’d just bought. Amy already had a circle pendant, and what’s worse, I’m the one who bought it last year for Christmas. I realized that a man must keep notes on what he’s bought his wife over the years. After thirty-two of them, a guy forgets.
I have a stash of presents for Amy, and with any luck she’ll like them all. Then I can begin planning my list for next year. I just hope I can remember what I bought and won’t duplicate them. Some day I might have to take Amy with me so that she can pick out her own presents, and the fun will be gone.
