Just Let Me Watch the Game

The past weekends were with good baseball, meaning the college world series games aired on ESPN. I enjoy watching those games, as well as a variety of college and professional sports. However, sometimes outside factors make the experience less than satisfactory.

For one, commercials drive me crazy. It’s not only the number of them that air but also the times that they appear. Built-in timeouts cut into the intensity of games. I wonder how upset a coach becomes when his team is launching a comeback or is dealing a deathblow to an opponent, only to have momentum thwarted by a string of commercials.

Equally annoying are the types of commercials that are aired. Really, how many different beer commercials are necessary? If a person refreshes himself with a cool one, he already knows which brand best suits his taste. Then the commercials for the erectile dysfunction burst on screens and show a couple holding hands as they sit side-by-side in bathtubs on a hillside overlooking a panoramic view of the countryside or ocean. Huh? How does that fit with testosterone-driven events like college or professional football?

I also hate it when networks announce a game time and I switch on the set to find a group of men talking. Pre-game stuff should be limited to ten minutes. That gives the old pros and media workers enough air time for recognition. For more time they should endorse one or more of the obnoxious products that are advertised during the game. Besides, too many of these guys are qualified only because they once played the game or worked in sports in some capacity at some stage in their lives. This weekend, one guy who did pre and post-game work on baseball actually played football in college. I’m not sure how that qualified him as an expert.

The thing that makes games least enjoyable is the analysis by commentators. These guys bump their gums about what should have happened or how something should have been done. They second-guess coaches and call out referees and umpires. Sometimes they even “dog” players who make errors on the field. Where do these guys get the idea that what they think trumps the folks who are involved in the contest? Many of them are former coaches who have been fired or retired. If these geniuses are so wonderful, why aren’t they still on the sidelines or in the dugouts? It’s because their times have past. It’s easy to second-guess someone, especially when a guy has nothing invested in the game.

Cute segments drive me nuts as well. Who really wants to spend time watching the mindless rants of a Lou Holtz locker room speech? Larry Merchant and Jim Lampley prate about boxers with their flowery descriptions and not-so-clever analogies. Neither of them could whip a third grader in a playground fight. And I’m over hearing “diaper dandies, PT, and Baby” from a coach who never had much success in the college or professional ranks. The man had a 78-30 record as coach of University of Detroit and a 34-60 record as head coach of the Detroit Pistons. His claim to fame at college was beating Marquette, the 1977 NCAA champions during a 21 game winning streak. Did the guys’ team beat any other opponents of note?

All I want to do is watch a game with as little interference as possible. Yes, that means having announcers who can identify players and call the play-by-play action. That’s all. The best thing they can do is hush and just let me watch the game. Is that too much for a sports fan to ask?