Couch Time

Think back a few years, or in some cases a lifetime ago, to the times that you and your partner first got together. Can you still feel that adrenaline rush? What about the flip-flops your stomach took as you sat close or held hands? It all brings smiles to our faces and “aahs” to our mouths. Those were the best of times.

Too often, a few years later the closeness melts as life gets in the way. Like the proverbial “two ships that pass in the night,” couples float apart on the waters of work, child rearing, economic woes, and a hundred other demands. Before long, communications are trimmed to a couple of canned phrases, a peck on the cheek before leaving the house, or falling exhausted into a coma-like sleep.

When brief periods of rest come, each person retires to his and her recliner. A button is pushed on the remote, and both sit in hypnotic states with their thoughts wrapped tightly in their heads. Sometime, one or both silently rise and begin the evening rituals of preparing for bed.

I’ve decided that many of the problems that occur in marriage could be wiped away like the fog on the bathroom mirror with a little couch time. Yep, I say let’s go back to the old days when couples sat together on the couch, close, side-by-side. The man can put his arm around his honey, and she can take his hand and hold it. Maybe she’ll even decide to lay her head upon his chest, right in the position where he can smell the fragrance of her shampoo and feel the tickles of strands of hair across his nose.

An important part of this couch time is talking. Most of us have little time during the day to share thoughts and feelings with the person who should be our best friend. Sitting on the couch and scrunched up naturally leads to conversation. It might begin with nothing more than a “How was your day?” However, that one little question is the spark that ignites some of the most meaningful sharing that couples will ever experience.

It also re-establishes the connection that brought the two people together in the first place. What’s more, that talk time reminds us of the importance of our partners in our lives and how much we depend upon them each and every day.

Couch time also puts life in perspective. The whole world might seem to be going to hell in a hand basket, but when we rediscover our love and devotion to someone, the toughest of times are easier to take. It’s also much easier to take on the tough things in life when someone is standing beside us or “has our backs.”

All of us need a little time with our loves on the couch because our hopes are that the rest of our lives will be spent with those individuals. It’s like an annuity that we set up with our financial planner. Investing a little of ourselves in the relationship brings huge dividends down the road. When the times seem the roughest, we are able to withdraw some of that saved love that we banked through couch time.

Amy and I have been married for almost 37 years. My brother Jim and his wife Brenda celebrate their 40th anniversary in August. Amy and I have had good and bad times; we’ve overcome problems and obstacles that others would have declared are “the last straw.” Our survival is from, first by the grace of a loving God. Then it’s the result of hard work on our parts. As much as anything, we’ve made it through the years by talking to each other. No, we haven’t spent all the years curled up on the couch. Amy has her chair and so do I, although it reclines only when I pull the chain that releases the leg part. Still, we have our times when we sit together and just soak up the love that is offered. It’s a time of appreciation and thanks. Most of all, it’s a time when we reinforce the partnership that was established on the last day of fall in 1974.

I’d like to think that everyone who reads this will find a little couch time with his or her love. However, I’m a realist who knows it “ain’t about to happen.” So, my closing advice is to at least make a connection with the person who means most in life and share some time and feelings. And make sure you share by talking and listening to each other. The rewards are huge, especially when you share a little couch time.