In just a few days, Christmas Day will once again roll
around. It’s perhaps the day that brings the most happiness for all, but for
some it’s a day that elicits sadness and loneliness. Those feelings are never
more stinging than that first Christmas when a loved one is no longer there.
More than fifty years ago, my brothers, mother, and I
agonized for more than a year as Daddy struggled with his health. For months he
was treated for allergies, as our family doctor and then a specialist
misdiagnosed his ailment. The following April, another doctor visited his
hospital room, looked at him, and announced that he suffered from lung cancer.
The disease proved terminal, and Daddy died the last day August, which happened
to be the first day of school.
That first Christmas was smothered with feelings of loss and
loneliness. Jim and I got new bicycles, but they did little to bring much joy.
In every direction we turned and every thought we held, our dads absences
screamed at us. Only because extended family came on that day to share dinner
did we manage to survive the day.
In 1996, Mother gave us an almost year-long battle with the
same disease. She died in June. We boys, our wives, and children, met at her
house on Christmas morning to exchange gifts. It was another dark time for us.
We went through the motions of the season that day, mostly to make Christmas
enjoyable for the younger ones, but they, too, dealt with their own feelings of
loss and loneliness.
The death of my older brother brought another dose of pain.
His battle lung cancer officially began on Labor Day and ended only a few days
into the following January. Jim and I didn’t have Christmas with Dal that last
year because he was too sick to travel from Nashville. We knew where things
would end, and that crushed Christmas. The following year, Dal’s wife Brenda
and her young’uns stayed at home. We celebrated with our families amid bouts of
loneliness and loss.
This year, Amy and I traveled to Cookeville to spend a day
with some of her West relatives. Michael and Janice hosted of large crowd of
relatives, and they exchanged gifts. Amy and I always go so that we stay in
touch with folks that we love. The West children, now all closing in on senior
citizen status, lost their mother Nellie only a couple of months ago. This
year’s celebration was filled with plenty of laughter and fun, but the West
kids, their children, and Amy and I felt the ache of Nellie’s presence.
All of us will experience this same loss of a loved one and
will grieve a bit more on that first Christmas that a mom or dad or brother or
sister or cousin is absent. What makes the day all the more difficult is that
the roller coaster of emotions takes us through the love of those who are there
to the lows of gut-wrenching sadness of the absences of that loved one. Yes, we
manage to get through, but the pain and loss is sometimes unbearable.
What all of us must remember is that Christmas is the
celebration of the coming of a savior. Because he came, all of us are free from
the chains of death. At the end of this life, our spirits will be reunited with
all those whom we have missed. Let’s celebrate the lives our loved ones and
rest assured that they are alive in the arms of the very person whose birthday
we love to recognize.
Merry Christmas!
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