I’ll watch most anything on
television, at least for a few minutes. Very little of what I view is offensive
enough to make me change the channel or turn the set off. However, some
commercials irk me to the point that I want to yell profanities at the screen.
Many of those ads offer products for hair. I don’t get it.
For some
reason, lots of men don’t want to be seen with gray hair. The other day I was
at the place where I have my hair cut and spied a little old man who must have
been close to 80 having his hair dyed. Millions of other males choose, instead,
to use things like Just for Men. It’s supposed to cover “just the right amount
of gray.” How much is that? In one commercial, a man’s young children give him
the stuff and encourage him to find someone to date. Huh?
What’s wrong with having a head
full of silver strands? My hair began turning gray years ago; my brother Jim
and I struggle to remember a time when we were brunettes. It was a gift of
genetics from our mother, and we’ve managed in spite of this evident handicap.
Razor commercials flood the
airways. An announcer is yammering about the fabulous shave that some
“technologically advanced” razor is giving. Women can have silky smooth legs
and underarms. Men can have the closest, safest shaves of their lives.
To that I say big deal. The truth
is that most of us, men and women alike, will arise each day with the knowledge
that our faces, pits, and limbs must be scraped clean with a sharp blade. Oh,
some will use electric devices which are poor substitutes for the cold steel of
a razor. Sometimes the instruments will dull so that removing hair is a rather
painful affair. At other times, faces and legs will be covered with wads of
toilet paper to ebb the flow of red from nicks and scrapes.
Other gadget commercials promise
wonderful results. For instance, the Micro Touch is the right tool between
haircuts. Why, a guy can cut those pesky hairs on the back of his neck or the
ones the sprout from his ears. Best of all, this little machine takes care of
unsightly nose hairs. It makes the perfect stocking stuffer for Christmas.
What’s the need for such a gadget?
A pair of tweezers can do the job just as effectively. Oh sure, using them
causes a man’s eyes to fill with tears with each pluck from a nostril, but hey
guys, man up.
The goofiest new product is called
the No-No. This little contraption is used by rubbing it back and forth over
areas where hair is present. The treated places can be the arms, faces, legs,
and lips. Supposedly, the No-No sends out thermo pulses that crystallize hairs.
Is that anything like burning them?
The one place that seems ridiculous
to use this new tool is on a man’s chest, but honest, the commercial show a
woman running a No-No over a man’s pecks. Times have sure changed, perhaps not
for the good. I remember when doing some manly things were said to “put hair on
a male’s chest.” Now that look is disgusting. Guys want chests that are as
smooth as a baby’s bottom.
Some of us aren’t so wrapped up in
hair. In fact, lots of guys are what I call “folliclely” challenged. I’m
becoming one with each passing day. I don’t worry too much about tools to help
me cut, clip, and remove hair; nature is doing that just fine. If our biggest
worries are about what to do with unwanted hair, I’d say we should hit our
knees and thank the good Lord for all His blessings.
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