take up several hours each week. While many programs are recorded and viewed later, I watch most of them in “real time.” It’s then that the barrage of commercials hits, and to be honest, I’m over them all. We Americans have life too good, or so it would seem. What else can explain why such a large chunk of advertising dollars is spent on things dealing with our bodies? No, I’m not talking about such products as soap and toothpaste. Companies have ratcheted up the pitch for those products that are more of a personal nature, what might be called “below the belt” items.
My wife despises one set of commercials. They feature bear caricatures. Just like the Goldilocks story, there’s a poppa, momma, and baby bear. These creatures tote rolls of toilet paper with them on the way to the bathroom, and when they use the wrong kind, they leave with pieces at the stuff stuck to their furry bottoms. Get real. Let me ask you this. Have you ever seen “bear tracks” in the woods. Yep, I’m talking about bear poop. If you have discovered the stuff or seen it on a nature television show, was any, I mean one single pile, covered with a big wad of toilet paper? I didn’t think so.
Of course, our fascination with the digestive track doesn’t end with the bears. We’ve watched ad nauseum as Jamie Curtis preaches the gut wrenching positives of Activia. Then we see an endless string of women (actresses?) testify with an almost religious fervor about how this product has helped them to regain regularity. The new catch word is “probiotic.” These are microorganisms in foods that are supposed to offer some kind of health benefit. In the case of Activia, they evidently aid folks as they sit on the pot. It sounds a lot like another time period when leeching that was used as a cure.
In addition, we’ve been told about the help that anti-acids give people. I suffer from a rather severe case of acid reflux, but the last thing I want is to talk about it on television in front of millions of viewers. The best of the commercials highlight the product Beano. It’s another disgusting topic for a commercial, but at least the lines are humorous, with such things as “Your son RIP is on line TOOT.” Still, no one is much interested in hearing about something that keeps folks from fouling the air with gas explosions.
For years, we’ve been subjected to ads for feminine products. Pads and sprays and liners and pills are available to make every woman feel better and confident enough to wear white slacks. I’ve been around enough women during those difficult times of the month. The last thing they’re interested in is feeling confident. Most simply want relief, along with the quiet cooperation of those people around them. I remember when Lewis Grizzard discussed this same issue years ago and when Cathy Rigby was the spokesman for these items. He stated that he couldn’t wait for her to reach menopause.
The most disgusting product advertisements deal with ER. Yep, Cialis and Viagra are the cures. Lately, Cialis has aired more commercials. We now know that one possible cause of erectile dysfunction is blood flow. Any teenager who’s taken one course in science could have figured that out. Of course, no one would have expected that this miracle pill would make sure the man could be ready when the time was right. Heck, who wouldn’t want to take a pill that automatically transports him naked to a bathtub overlooking a mountain scene or beach, and right beside him in an identical but is a naked woman?
The side effects of this drug are disconcerting. Men might expect several of them, such as head ache and lower back ache. Hmmm. The more serious effects might be loss of hearing or sight. It seems as if I remember warnings about those losses in conjunction with some other activity. The other thing that needs doctor’s attention after four hours would be an amazing feat for most men.
Yep, Americans have things too good and too easy. If our commercials spend so much of time discussing ways to improve or cure things that occur below the belt, then we don’t have much about which to complain. When those ads come on my television, I punch the fast forward button or take a bathroom break. Luckily, I’m not in the same distress as the users of these products.
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