Tornado Tactics

I spent several hours shuffling between my office, the den where the television is located, the back door, and the basement. Tornado warnings are something that I take seriously.

Twisters fascinate me. In fact, one of the top ten things on my bucket list is to chase storms in the mid-west during tornado season. I’d like to hook up with a seasoned pro who chases dark clouds and foreboding skies for a living. That way, his vehicle can take the beating from inclement weather, hail, and flying objects. I’ll take my camera a shoot pictures until the funnel cloud draws too close for comfort. Then I’ll cry like a baby and beg the guide to get us the hell out of there. Hey, I’m curious, not brave.

During my college years, I experienced the fear and stupidity of folks during a tornado warning on evening. Two funnel clouds bore down on the town of Cookeville. I was a head resident of a dorm, and my job included herding a five-floor building filled with male college students to the lowest level. The dorm staff, which consisted of one assistant and me, walked to the top fifth floor and began evacuating residents. Some carped about having to leave, but threats of being taken before the university housing director served as a sufficient prod.

After what seemed like hours, all the residents were on the bottom floor, and we instructed them in the proper procedures in the event that the tornado hit. After that, we opened the exit doors to allow the cooling air to circulate. Bringing that many young males together in such a cramped space produces a mixture of foul odors. We looked to the west and saw some fool standing on the roof of another dorm. Staff members encouraged him to climb down to safety, but he refused. Then he let loose one of the dumbest comments ever uttered: “I’ll come down as soon as I see the funnel cloud!” That would have been just a little too late. The goof ball eventually descended and met several furious and frightened folks.

The tornadoes jumped from one end of the town to the other and spared the university. Others, however, suffered loss of property and, on a couple of occasions, life. Stories of miracles and lives being spared spread throughout the town, and a large contingency of volunteers began the process of cleaning up those hard hit areas.

On one occasion since then, I hustled my family into our basement one night when storms were severe. They whined over my waking them up, but I insisted that we stayed in a safe place until the all-clear aired. My actions that night further solidified my reputation as someone who worried too much and over-reacted in situations.

The other day might well be another when I go too far. That’s all right because I’d rather be safe than blown to Kansas. The second wave of storms swept in, and again I gathered valuables and supplies to place in the basement. Preparations were complete for a trip to the basement if conditions warranted, and Snoop and I prepared to hangout until the sun shines again.